Funny Doctor Quotes

Posted February 19th, 2010 by John C. Oconnor

It is amazing what the medical profession will write. These are actual statements taken from medical interview records written by various paramedics, emergency room receptionists, and (we are afraid) a consultant or two at major hospitals. Here comes some funny doctor quotes:

* The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
* While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* The skin was moist and dry.
* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
* Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
* Patient was alert and unresponsive.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid
* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
* She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983
* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
* I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
* Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
* The patient refused an autopsy.
* The patient has no past history of suicides.
* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
* The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
* The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
* The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* The skin was moist and dry.
* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
* Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
* Patient was alert and unresponsive.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* MD during a physical exam, stated, in my ears, “I am unable to arouse this woman”, personally, I really don’t think he should have bragged about it.