I saw that you liked that funny medicine posts so I decided to write a little bit more about that subject… Laugh is good for your health so… keep smiling and enjoy in your life!

1. “Have you ever been in therapy? No? You should try it. It’s like a really easy game show where the correct answer to every question is: ‘Because of my mother.’” – Robin Greenspan
2. “After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, ‘Maybe life isn’t for everyone’.” – Larry Brown.
3. “The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.” – Paul Dean.
4. “If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” – Dr WC Heuper (1954)
5. “As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, ‘Relax, you’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients’, but the another kept reminding me, ‘Howard, you are a veterinarian!’” -Dick Wilson.
6. “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” – Walter Matthau.
7. “A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.” – Joan Rivers.
8. “She got her looks from her father: He’s a plastic surgeon.” -Groucho Marx.
9. “For the majority of people smoking has a beneficial effect.” – Dr Ian MacDonald (1963)
10. “Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.” – Samuel Goldwyn.
11. “I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn’t diagnose a decapitation.” – Jeffrey Bernard
12. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” – Steve Martin.
13. “No-one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.” – Kin Hubbard.

14. “There must be something to acupuncture. After all, you never see any sick porcupines!” – Bob Goddard.
15. “The operation was a complete success, but the patient died of something else.” – John Chiene
16. “I’m not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.” – Groucho Marx
17. “A psychiatrist is a man who goes to a strip club and watches the audience.”- Merv Stockwood.
18. “Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.” – Jerry Vale
19. “I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.” – Spike Milligan
20. “The art of medicine is in amusing a patient while nature affects the cure.” – Voltaire

1. During a patient’s two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one? ” I asked. “The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

-Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair to Ridiculously Funny Medical Stories

2. I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now your left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

-Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA to Coffee Swirls

3. When I was doing home health, I had a patient who was very demanding and could be outright rude at times. At one point she had a terrible stomach virus which made her a daily patient for a while – of course I got stuck with her while she was daily. One morning I went in and she was sitting at the kitchen counter looking positively green around the gills. I said, “Are you alright?” She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Hell NO! That Dr. is going to have to do something about these damn pills he gave me. They are too big to swallow and I have to cut them in half, and to top it all off, they are slimy and make me gag when I try to get them down!!” I nearly died laughing when I realized that the “pills” were glycerin suppositories.

—from Nursing Forum

4. I was working in a Long Term Care facility and there was a celebration for one of the residents. It was her 100th Birthday. She was quite somnolent as the party began so I spoke to her reminding her that this was her Birthday Party. I then asked if she know how old she was. She said, “No, how old am I?” When I told her that she was 100 years old, she quickly replied, “Well, no wonder I’m so tired.”

—From Nursing Forum

5. One day, we had a very confused patient sitting at the nursing station. We kept her near the nursing station so we could monitor her safety. The woman kept insisting to all who could hear that she was pregnant and in labor. Our medical director came walking down the hall just in time to hear all the commotion. He began to assess her and interview her regarding her “labor pains”. He asked the patient exactly how she could have become pregnant at her age. She gave him a very bewildered look and said matter-of-factly ‘Why if you don’t know by now doctor, I don’t feel like it’s my place to tell you!’

–From Nursesareangels.com

6. A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her under-wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs — and I was in the wrong one.

—Dr. Mark MacDonald

7. When I was in nursing school, I took care of a little old lady one day who was a diabetic and had been for many, many years. She had a prosthetic leg. On our first day together, I was assisting her out of bed to get ready for her day. As I reached over to grab the “leg”, I noticed that there was a band aid on it and I couldn’t help but ask, “What is the band aid for?” She looked at me in all seriousness and replied, “I cut myself shaving.”

—From allnurses.com

8. Had a female patient of mine get quite upset because the hospital would not let her bring in her own medications and the hospital did not supply the special herb that she had been taking for years. When I asked her what she was taking this “Herb” for she replied, “I take it for my prostate!” Had to have a little anatomy session after that one!

—From allnurses.com

9. I was caring for a woman and asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”

—Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

10. A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for eardrops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of eardrops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: “Put two drops in R ear every four hours.”

—From Café Mom

They say having children changes everything. While it’s unquestionably a remarkable time in one’s life, I can also see how the transition introduces obvious limitations. Suddenly you have dependent beings of life to care for. Responsibility kicks in, compelling you to dedicate a significant portion of your time and attention to the best interests of the little ones. Combine this with the obvious physical and lifestyle limitations that come with age and it seems to me that there are several activities to check off the bucket list before settling down to start a family.

Here’s our list of 70 things to do before having children. For us, it’s simply about conquering as many life experiences as possible. We’re not quite there yet, but we’re getting closer.

1. Live in a high rise condo with an amazing view.
2. Take a month long vacation on the opposite side of the world in a city with a completely different culture.
3. Attend the Super Bowl live.
4. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
5. Make love in places you aren’t supposed to.
6. Swim with the sharks.
7. Scuba-dive to a large ship wreck.
8. Audition to be on TV or in a movie… even if you’re just an extra.
9. Throw the house party of all house parties. Supply all the booze and invite everyone you know.
10. Take sexy photos of yourself (keep them somewhere safe).
11. Learn to fly a plane.
12. Become skilled with a musical instrument.
13. Live in southern California for at least a year.
14. Live in the heart of New York City, Chicago, Boston or another major city for at least a year.

15. Spend a few weeks vacationing on the beaches of Kauai with your partner.
16. Surf a Hawaiian wave.
17. Learn to speak a foreign language.
18. Visit the North Pole.
19. Attend The Tonight Show or The Late Show as an audience member.
20. Read at least 30 books.
21. Jump off a cliff into a natural body of water in an exotic location.
22. Go mountain climbing.
23. Go deep sea fishing and learn to filet and cook your own fish.
24. Go horseback riding on the beach with your partner.
25. Drink warm beer out of a barrel in a real Irish pub.
26. Spend a night pub-hopping in London.
27. Stage dive and crowd surf at a rock concert.
28. Take a set amount of money and hit the Blackjack and Craps tables in Las Vegas.
29. Visit a high-end Las Vegas strip club.
30. Embark on a month-long road trip across the country with 3 of your best friends.
31. Ride a camel across a sandy desert.
32. Go white water rafting.
33. Go snowboarding in the Rockies.
34. Get in great shape and enter some kind of fitness competition.
35. Attain a solid understanding of how the government works in your country.
36. Master one particular style of dance.
37. Fall in love.
38. Write a book… even if it’s short and never gets published.
39. Drive through a (somewhat safe) portion of a third world country like Mexico or Costa Rica to gain perspective on what true poverty looks like.
40. Go skinny dipping in a large body of water at midnight.
41. Take a shower under a waterfall.
42. Decide on your current life goals and write them down.
43. Spend New Years Eve in Times Square.
44. Go on a blind date (or a couple’s dinner date with new friends you hardly know).
45. Sleep on the beach under the stars in Key West.
46. Hit up Oktoberfest in Munich.
47. Hit up Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
48. Hit up Carnival in Rio de Janeiro.
49. Experience Spring Break in all its glory in Cancun, Mexico or Panama City Beach, Florida.
50. Catch a ride in a hot air balloon.
51. Rent a fast sports car and speed down the Autobahn.
52. Switch jobs until you find one you truly enjoy.
53. Buy your first house.
54. Own a convertible sports car.
55. Hike the Grand Canyon.
56. Attend a Red Sox vs. Yankees game in Fenway Park.
57. Spend a whole day making love without every leaving the house.
58. Learn to make one mixed cocktail like a pro bartender.
59. Run a marathon.
60. Stand up in front of a large audience and tell a great joke.
61. Shoot a gun.
62. Swim across the English Channel.
63. Bicycle ride down a mountain road.
64. Learn to sail a sailboat.
65. Learn the basics of a martial art.
66. Visit the Amazon Rain forest.
67. Bare all on a nude beach.
68. Master one really cool magic trick.
69. Master a few fancy dinner recipes.
70. Finish up your formal education (but continue learning).